what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
