i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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