hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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