And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
