uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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