Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
