You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
