sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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