Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
