i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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