Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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