The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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