why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
