office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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