matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
