Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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