so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How's work?
Spinning.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
