Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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