She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
