I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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