I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
