just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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