jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
