Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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