How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
