If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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