You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
