We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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