there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Someone signed my nipple.
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