just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
