First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
