I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
