something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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