meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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