There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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