i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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