I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
