I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
