Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
