I wish my penis had an off switch
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
