I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
