I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
