I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
