You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
