# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
