Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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