If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
