Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dick very happy bro
Success! We fucked roommates!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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