We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
