Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
