Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
