why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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